She’s Not Your Enemy.

To "SPIKE"

It seems to be the way of life for people to go on and on about the same thing. People repeat themselves all the time. Hardly ever for of the fear of having been misunderstood. Sometimes for fear of not being believed. Some other times to convince themselves more than anyone else. No judgment here!

As different as she is, she’s the same as everybody else in ways. She kept telling you that her feelings for you were gone. It was no game. No matter of revenge. No bringing of pain and harm to you intended. Did you ever believe?

She started off by denying that there ever were feelings. Might have been her well-justified anger. But it wasn’t always about that. Neither about pain or regret. It became a matter of doubt after a while. There’s no denying that there were feelings, on her part. But she doesn’t know what exactly those feelings were anymore. Not for a very long time. Not since you made your last stupid call. Do you remember?

The call when you said you’d call her again anytime you could. When she asked if you wanted to do that for her. When you replied for both of you. And when she said she didn’t want you to do it for her.

That’s when you released her. That was the end. The end of you and her. The death of those feelings she’s had for you for so long.

Don’t you go feeling bad. Feeling that she wants to put the blame on you. It was good for her. After you hung up, she was still there with you for a few minutes; in the depth of her feelings. And then she wasn’t. It ceased to hurt. It stopped to feel right. It was there, and then just wasn’t the next moment. Can you blame her for not believing it was love anymore? Blame her for doubting?

Anyways, she wants you to know how she feels. Wants you to believe what she has to say. If it’s any consolation at all, she wants to confess that she blames herself for what happened to you and your marriage. She knows that she was there with you because things were seriously wrong with your marriage to begin with; and she still blames herself for having been there with you. She knows that your marriage didn’t actually end until months after she had left you to yourself and your wife; and she still feels responsible. She knows that your wife left you for another man; and she still can’t help feeling guilty.

And afterwards, when you were all alone, when you tried to reach out to her in your stupid ways, she wasn’t there for you. Not because she’s your enemy. Not because she wanted you to suffer. But because she couldn’t. She couldn’t because it would have been yet another betrayal. You know she’s had enough of those to last her a life time or two!

She betrayed her own self-respect when she started things with you. You betrayed her by choosing your wife, while betraying the wife by feeling for her. She betrayed you when she fell out of love. You betrayed her when you wasted so much time. It goes on. Isn’t that enough of betrayals?

She wants you to know she’s sorry. Sorry for the pain you went through, whether or not she brought it upon you. She doesn’t wish you pain or misery, the same way she doesn’t wish it for anyone. She doesn’t care either way whether or not you’re happy and successful, same way it doesn’t affect her if anyone else out there in the whole universe is.

She wants you to know that she does miss the good times when you used to be friends; but doesn’t believe in resurrecting the past. She remembers the good times. She despises the bad, and you, sometimes. She knows that it can never happen again. She knows you, and knows that people never change. You are the same man; same temper; same manners, or lack of!

Anyways, she forgives you.
She’s not your enemy…