I’m trying to have some peace and quiet. That’s what I always long for. That’s what I don’t get these days at all, thanks to you.
You are a heartless bastard, as I always point out. You don’t care about anyone or anything, but you; your highness; your majesty; you love yourself way too much. Funny thing is, you don’t deserve to be loved at all. You have no understanding of what love is. Take what you do again today as an example:
I’m trying to have some peace and quiet. That’s when you call. I know it’s you. For the first time since I met you, I don’t even feel like talking to you. But I can’t just ignore the phone ringing. I pick up. You sound distressed.
- What’s wrong again?
- I don’t know. Molly called and said she needs to talk. Told me to stay at home, not to go to college.
- You know what? I’ve had enough. Just don’t bother about me anymore. She’ll be happy too.
Do I really say that?!?
I’m amazed. I not only say it, I mean it! I am really sick and tired of your cowardice. I hate it. I hate you for it. But, truth is, I don’t even hate you anymore. What I feel for you is just a shadow of what I used to feel. Is the love we shared already a cooling corpse? So fast? So easy? In like 24 hours?
Wow! I’m amazed.
- I don’t really need this right now.
- Fine!
- I have to go.
- Fine!
I cut the line. Another thing that couldn’t have happened yesterday. Something more to be amazed about. Time, such a short time, it can change everything. It has…
My phone rings again. It’s Molly this time. I hesitate. I’m not sure if I should pick up; or maybe not?
I pick up anyway. She’s mad; which is nothing new! Is cursing and shouting and threatening. Telling me that she’s going to call my dad! What nonsense! I don’t believe I’m hearing this. Seems like her friends have been following you around. She says they’ve seen us together. The thing is I’m not sure about the time and place. Have they seen us, or you with somebody else? I’d rather not go there, not yet. She says she’s going to either leave you or something. She’s hard to understand. You know she’s always been, at least to me.
- My advice to you is that instead of being a bitch, go home to your husband; be nice to him. You want to keep him to yourself, make him happy. Make him realize that as long as he has you he won’t need anybody else.
- I’ve been married for five years. I know how to treat my husband.
I laugh hard and loud. It pisses her off some more. But I can’t help it. Does she believe that herself? If she knew how to treat you, or any man for that matter, she wouldn’t be chasing after you chasing after other women; she wouldn’t be bounding and gagging you to keep you at her side; she wouldn’t ba havin this conversation with me right now; she would be in your arms a lot more, in your bed sometimes!
I cut the line again.
Here’s when you break the last treads keeping me at your side.
You call. I know your phone is on loudspeaker. But I don’t need that knowledge to talk to you in my coldest tone. Meet the queen of ice! That’s what you’re going to get. From now on. Unless you change your attitude.
You’re already a lost cause. What you have to say is that you’ve told Molly that you’ve talked to me at college. And that she’s not happy about it.
- What should I do? You’re asking me not to come to college?
Lost cause. You’re so hopeless. You don’t even hear the obvious sarcasm in my voice and words.
- No. I’m not saying that. I’m saying that we shouldn’t talk anymore. Not at all. Not even greetings and stuff.
- Fine by me. I’d rather not even see you. You don’t talk to me, I won’t have to insult you.
- So is it settled then? And…
- And what?
- I don’t know. Goodbye I guess.
I cut the line, yet again. Good thing for you that we have this conversation on the phone. Had you been here, within my reach, I wouldn’t have slapped you this time. It would have been a spit, right in your unworthy cowardly eyes.
I know you. I know why you mumble on the phone. You want me to know that you’re trying to calm her down; that you don’t mean what you’re saying.
But I’m not falling prey to that anymore. You can’t charm me anymore. Your spell has been worn off for a while now. I just hadn’t seen it. I see it now. I’m free; free of you and your lies; free of you and your empty promises; free of you and your betrayals; free at last…
You call me from a pay phone after a couple of hours.
- I’m sorry. I want you to know that as long as you want me to, I’ll call you. I want to. It will be a lot less than before; a lot harder. But I want to talk to you. I will.
- Are you doing this for me?
- I’m doing this for you. I’m doing this for me. For us. I want to.
- Because if you want to call for me, then I don’t want you to.
You don’t hear the sarcasm, again. Do you ever?!?
- And by the way, I talked her out of calling your parents.
- You shouldn’t have. You think my parents are like hers and yours? Let her call. They’ll make her regret it. They’ll make her hate to look at herself in the mirror. They’ll make her want to die.
What you don’t know is that my parents already know that Molly’s been sleeping around behind your back. They’re not her biggest fans. They just tolerated her being around for you. And besides, they know that had I really wanted to take you away from her, I could have. They know me. They know I tried my best not to be a threat to Molly and her life.
And most importantly, they are my parents. They’re always going to have my back, no matter what.
I told you my parents are not like yours or hers.
I’m just tired of this constant struggle. You’re so not worth my while anymore. I guess you never were. I guess I fooled myself into believing that you were. How we trick ourselves. How we trap ourselves. But one of the reasons why I feel proud of myself is that I’m a survivor. I know when to get the hell out. I know when to take my life and run.
I’m going to take my heart and run.
There’s only so much I can take. I’ve been through a lot with you and for you. You never showed any appreciation. You talked about how good and nice and kind I am; stupid that is. But you never took one step out of your way just to please me.
And today, that phone-call you make to make her happy, that’s the end of it. That’s your choice. I won’t let you humiliate me like that. I won’t buy your lies anymore. You always have a choice. If it’s to please her, then it gives me the right to make my choice. You care for her. I care for me. You look after her. I look after me. I’m out of here.
My heart’s broken into a thousand bloody pieces. Besides that, I’m getting out unharmed, in one piece.
The pain, the humiliation, the self-doubt and self-hatred I feel are blinding me. Besides that, I’m getting out with more knowledge and insight I could ever muster without you betraying my love.
I think of having my revenge. I consider destroying you, and your marriage. But I know that nothing I can do will ever be more painful than having to live with her, having my memories with you. I know that it’s the worst punishment for you to know that you could have chosen differently, but you didn’t. Your marriage can never work. You’ll never be happy. You’ll go on having affairs, looking for what you shared with me for a while; all in vain. You’ll be in pain. You’ll live in regret. You’ll long for me; for the unconditional love I bestowed on you.
You’ll live in hell…
Me?
I’m moving on…
You are a heartless bastard, as I always point out. You don’t care about anyone or anything, but you; your highness; your majesty; you love yourself way too much. Funny thing is, you don’t deserve to be loved at all. You have no understanding of what love is. Take what you do again today as an example:
I’m trying to have some peace and quiet. That’s when you call. I know it’s you. For the first time since I met you, I don’t even feel like talking to you. But I can’t just ignore the phone ringing. I pick up. You sound distressed.
- What’s wrong again?
- I don’t know. Molly called and said she needs to talk. Told me to stay at home, not to go to college.
- You know what? I’ve had enough. Just don’t bother about me anymore. She’ll be happy too.
Do I really say that?!?
I’m amazed. I not only say it, I mean it! I am really sick and tired of your cowardice. I hate it. I hate you for it. But, truth is, I don’t even hate you anymore. What I feel for you is just a shadow of what I used to feel. Is the love we shared already a cooling corpse? So fast? So easy? In like 24 hours?
Wow! I’m amazed.
- I don’t really need this right now.
- Fine!
- I have to go.
- Fine!
I cut the line. Another thing that couldn’t have happened yesterday. Something more to be amazed about. Time, such a short time, it can change everything. It has…
My phone rings again. It’s Molly this time. I hesitate. I’m not sure if I should pick up; or maybe not?
I pick up anyway. She’s mad; which is nothing new! Is cursing and shouting and threatening. Telling me that she’s going to call my dad! What nonsense! I don’t believe I’m hearing this. Seems like her friends have been following you around. She says they’ve seen us together. The thing is I’m not sure about the time and place. Have they seen us, or you with somebody else? I’d rather not go there, not yet. She says she’s going to either leave you or something. She’s hard to understand. You know she’s always been, at least to me.
- My advice to you is that instead of being a bitch, go home to your husband; be nice to him. You want to keep him to yourself, make him happy. Make him realize that as long as he has you he won’t need anybody else.
- I’ve been married for five years. I know how to treat my husband.
I laugh hard and loud. It pisses her off some more. But I can’t help it. Does she believe that herself? If she knew how to treat you, or any man for that matter, she wouldn’t be chasing after you chasing after other women; she wouldn’t be bounding and gagging you to keep you at her side; she wouldn’t ba havin this conversation with me right now; she would be in your arms a lot more, in your bed sometimes!
I cut the line again.
Here’s when you break the last treads keeping me at your side.
You call. I know your phone is on loudspeaker. But I don’t need that knowledge to talk to you in my coldest tone. Meet the queen of ice! That’s what you’re going to get. From now on. Unless you change your attitude.
You’re already a lost cause. What you have to say is that you’ve told Molly that you’ve talked to me at college. And that she’s not happy about it.
- What should I do? You’re asking me not to come to college?
Lost cause. You’re so hopeless. You don’t even hear the obvious sarcasm in my voice and words.
- No. I’m not saying that. I’m saying that we shouldn’t talk anymore. Not at all. Not even greetings and stuff.
- Fine by me. I’d rather not even see you. You don’t talk to me, I won’t have to insult you.
- So is it settled then? And…
- And what?
- I don’t know. Goodbye I guess.
I cut the line, yet again. Good thing for you that we have this conversation on the phone. Had you been here, within my reach, I wouldn’t have slapped you this time. It would have been a spit, right in your unworthy cowardly eyes.
I know you. I know why you mumble on the phone. You want me to know that you’re trying to calm her down; that you don’t mean what you’re saying.
But I’m not falling prey to that anymore. You can’t charm me anymore. Your spell has been worn off for a while now. I just hadn’t seen it. I see it now. I’m free; free of you and your lies; free of you and your empty promises; free of you and your betrayals; free at last…
You call me from a pay phone after a couple of hours.
- I’m sorry. I want you to know that as long as you want me to, I’ll call you. I want to. It will be a lot less than before; a lot harder. But I want to talk to you. I will.
- Are you doing this for me?
- I’m doing this for you. I’m doing this for me. For us. I want to.
- Because if you want to call for me, then I don’t want you to.
You don’t hear the sarcasm, again. Do you ever?!?
- And by the way, I talked her out of calling your parents.
- You shouldn’t have. You think my parents are like hers and yours? Let her call. They’ll make her regret it. They’ll make her hate to look at herself in the mirror. They’ll make her want to die.
What you don’t know is that my parents already know that Molly’s been sleeping around behind your back. They’re not her biggest fans. They just tolerated her being around for you. And besides, they know that had I really wanted to take you away from her, I could have. They know me. They know I tried my best not to be a threat to Molly and her life.
And most importantly, they are my parents. They’re always going to have my back, no matter what.
I told you my parents are not like yours or hers.
I’m just tired of this constant struggle. You’re so not worth my while anymore. I guess you never were. I guess I fooled myself into believing that you were. How we trick ourselves. How we trap ourselves. But one of the reasons why I feel proud of myself is that I’m a survivor. I know when to get the hell out. I know when to take my life and run.
I’m going to take my heart and run.
There’s only so much I can take. I’ve been through a lot with you and for you. You never showed any appreciation. You talked about how good and nice and kind I am; stupid that is. But you never took one step out of your way just to please me.
And today, that phone-call you make to make her happy, that’s the end of it. That’s your choice. I won’t let you humiliate me like that. I won’t buy your lies anymore. You always have a choice. If it’s to please her, then it gives me the right to make my choice. You care for her. I care for me. You look after her. I look after me. I’m out of here.
My heart’s broken into a thousand bloody pieces. Besides that, I’m getting out unharmed, in one piece.
The pain, the humiliation, the self-doubt and self-hatred I feel are blinding me. Besides that, I’m getting out with more knowledge and insight I could ever muster without you betraying my love.
I think of having my revenge. I consider destroying you, and your marriage. But I know that nothing I can do will ever be more painful than having to live with her, having my memories with you. I know that it’s the worst punishment for you to know that you could have chosen differently, but you didn’t. Your marriage can never work. You’ll never be happy. You’ll go on having affairs, looking for what you shared with me for a while; all in vain. You’ll be in pain. You’ll live in regret. You’ll long for me; for the unconditional love I bestowed on you.
You’ll live in hell…
Me?
I’m moving on…
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